A CROSS

      There have been recent complaints about the proliferation of green crosses in LA. Did I miss a memo? Does a green cross impair your driving ability? Does it give you the munchies? To my knowledge there’s no evidence of THC retinal absorption. A green cross won’t even make you feel better if you lick one. I’ve tested that myself.

      In the same way the sight of a cross on top of the Hungarian Presbyterian church won’t make you a Hungarian Presbyterian, seeing a green cross will not affect you.
     
      There are approximately 600 pot shops in LA County. There are over 3,000 churches. There’s an average of at least 10 crosses on each. That’s 30,000 crosses. Apparently no one complains about a cross unless it’s green. The non-green cross has a history of war, genocide, child molestation, forced assimilation and murder. The green cross represents red eyes and a late night run to Taco Bell.


      Driving around LA, I see a lot of annoying things. I’ve seen enough of that epileptic advertising balloon dancing around like it’s on 15 hits of ecstasy.

      I’m tired of seeing entire fast food meals discarded in our streets. I could do without the endless outlets for frozen yogurt. And their customers eating candy on top of what appears to look like robot poo.
    
      I’m also fatigued with signs that say MASSAGE every 10 feet. There must be a lot of sore muscles in LA. I guess writers block and executive brown-nosing have caused an epidemic of shoulder and neck aches. We all have to look at things we don’t like. It’s called society.

      What would make people feel less upset? Maybe a green pentagram, or a blinking bong... Or easier yet, a Hello Kitty Cross? Or a Kim Kardashian Cross.

      LA’s problem isn’t too many pot shops, it’s too many potholes. Pot shops don’t pop car tires, potholes do. Pot shops can easily be avoided. Potholes are nearly impossible to avoid. Some parts of Los Angeles County do not allow pot stores. All parts of Los Angeles have potholes. There’ve been no fatalities from pot consumption. The problem isn’t too many pot shops. The real problems are too many potlucks and potpies!

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Galactic Geeks

It took ten years and 750 million dollars for NASA to not land on Pluto. They flew almost 10,000 miles from the Dwarf Planet. Sorry, they don’t like being called dwarf planets. The proper term is “spherically challenged planet”. Dwarf Star is more of a description for Tom Cruise.

The mission was called New Horizons. It sounds like a brand of margarine. This craft just flew right by Pluto. For $750 million, New Horizons should have landed then built a food court.

$750 million to almost get to an almost planet. With $750 million we could have converted a North Dakota into a mall. $750 million dollars is a week at Disneyland or 17 trips to Whole Foods.

What they found on Pluto:

Plains.  Which include clusters of smooth hills and fields of pits. “Scientists now have a closer look at Pluto’s splotches.”

I’m not a scientist, but I know splotches are in the same family as blotches. These are Ph.D’s using scientific terms like dark splotches.

If you want to discover dark splotches visit a retirement home.

Imagine if NASA found a fly on Pluto. The same thing that lands on poo. It would be the biggest discovery in the history of space exploration. A fly. But we haven’t gotten to that point. We haven’t discovered a fly. The amount of living matter we’ve discovered in space weighs a lot less than a fly.

If there’s life out there you best stay hidden.

The NASA publicists are running out of adjectives for the same things. “This will provide insight into the beginnings of the solar system and raw material for new mysteries that astronomers will ponder for years.”

NASA is constantly rediscovering vagueness.

They are desperate for us to stay connected to the fantasy.  Some genius in PR came up with the idea of a heart shaped ice splotch. Now we spend $750 million to treat a planet like a Rorschach test. The splotch is heart shaped.

We have a heart and Pluto has a heart. Wow. I just got a pee shiver.

 “Vast frozen plains exist next to Pluto's big, rugged mountains sculpted of ice,” NASA wrote.

“Big, rugged and sculpted.” Sounds like they discovered Dwayne Johnson.

"Have a look at the icy frozen plains of Pluto," principal scientist Alan Stern said during a briefing at NASA headquarters.

 

 "Who would have expected this kind of complexity?"

 

A NASA doctor finds ice to be complex. Hey doc, avoid snow, your head will explode.

Space dorks are fascinated by the unlikely chance of life in a vast expanse of lifelessness.

"I'm still having to remind myself to take deep breaths," added Jeff Moore, head of the New Horizons geology team at NASA's Ames Research Center in California. "I mean, the landscape is just astoundingly amazing."

Wow.  The last date this guy had was with a rubrics cube. They’re still together.

It seems they have replaced the lack of romance in their lives with a love for space. Finding the same thing over and over again is the opposite of life. That must be comforting to some people. No social pressures. Just a theoretical existence.

 

At best, the universe we can see is a work in progress. And we are -by far- its finest creation.

Space has no romance. It’s beautifully unaware of our fascination. All we know about the galaxy is it’s vast and powerful. Maybe it’s our way of saying to it, “please don’t hurt us”.

If you want to explore a Pluto full of life, go to Disneyland.  
                                                
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Homeless

You could put yourself in their shoes if they had any.
 

“The homeless problem”.   I remember when we called them homeless people. Apparently the word “people” became cumbersome.

It must be easier to ignore a problem without the reminder that they’re us and we’re them.  There are 50,000 homeless PEOPLE in Los Angeles.  

This city is full of people who move here from towns smaller than our homeless population.

Hollywood has more than enough money and power to take care of this tragic reality. It’s a problem that can’t be ignored. So why is it?

This town is full of fake heroics and false bravery. Everything is scripted and safe. They think living in reality is working on a reality show. The closest thing to kindness we’ll get from this town is “Empathy” The Movie.

If anger is an energy than I could power a nation. I don’t want to hear from an ostrich that I’m too negative.  Sorry it’s not a blissful beer commercial or a rave.  I hate to interrupt your naïve decadence with facts. Homeless people are an epidemic in Hollywood. The only time we care about who’s in our streets is during a parade.

Maybe homeless people won’t be taken seriously until they’re on a parade float.

With 50,000 people on the streets, everyday is a parade.
 

Homeless people live an average of 20 years less than us.

It’s as if the rich have had the empathy bred out of them. It’s a known fact, poor people give more than rich. (notice I didn’t add people)

We bail out banks. Why not bail out people? After all they’re potential consumers and voters. Maybe we like to see people worse off than us to feel good. I’m not very religious but which bible says, “F the homeless”?

We have places to take stray dogs. Let’s try homeless adoptions or take a homeless to work week.  Find The Homeless Whisperer who can train them to behave.

Convert Bell Air tennis courts to homeless shelters. And there’s enough unused SUV space to keep 100,000 homeless in comfort.

This town loves to ramble on about what a “character” is thinking and feeling. Never ending detail into the story of pretend people. Actors drive to the set, memorizing their lines and fake feelings. Passing countless real lives picking out of garbage cans. Homeless is not a motif.

This town protects pavement over people. I am bitter. Bitterly honest. More money is spent on satellite TV and Botox every year than our homeless.
 

There’s always a flip side. Like a cruise ship that dumps it’s garbage in the ocean. Is it really a party when someone else pays the price?

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