It took ten years and 750 million dollars for NASA to not land on Pluto. They flew almost 10,000
miles from the Dwarf Planet. Sorry, they
don’t like being called dwarf planets. The proper term is “spherically
challenged planet”. Dwarf Star is more of a description for Tom Cruise.
The mission was called New
Horizons. It sounds like a brand of margarine. This craft just flew right by Pluto.
For $750 million, New Horizons should have landed then built a food court.
$750 million to almost get to an almost planet. With $750 million we could have converted a North Dakota into a mall. $750 million dollars is a week at Disneyland or 17 trips to Whole Foods.
What they found on Pluto:
Plains. Which include clusters
of smooth hills and fields of pits. “Scientists
now have a closer look at Pluto’s splotches.”
I’m not a scientist, but I
know splotches are in the same family as blotches. These are Ph.D’s using
scientific terms like dark splotches.
If you want to discover dark
splotches visit a retirement home.
Imagine if NASA found a fly
on Pluto. The same thing that lands on poo. It would be the biggest discovery
in the history of space exploration. A fly. But we haven’t gotten to that
point. We haven’t discovered a fly. The amount of living matter we’ve
discovered in space weighs a lot less than a fly.
If there’s life out there
you best stay hidden.
The NASA publicists are
running out of adjectives for the same things. “This will provide insight into the beginnings of the solar system and
raw material for new mysteries that astronomers will ponder for years.”
NASA is constantly rediscovering
vagueness.
They are desperate for us to
stay connected to the fantasy. Some
genius in PR came up with the idea of a heart shaped ice splotch. Now we spend $750
million to treat a planet like a Rorschach test. The splotch is heart shaped.
We have a heart and Pluto has
a heart. Wow. I just got a pee shiver.
“Vast frozen plains exist
next to Pluto's big, rugged mountains sculpted of ice,” NASA wrote.
“Big, rugged and sculpted.” Sounds like they discovered Dwayne
Johnson.
"Have a look at the icy frozen
plains of Pluto," principal scientist Alan Stern said during a briefing at
NASA headquarters.
"Who would have expected this kind of
complexity?"
A NASA doctor finds ice to be complex.
Hey doc, avoid snow, your head will explode.
Space dorks are fascinated by the unlikely chance of life in a vast
expanse of lifelessness.
"I'm still having to remind myself
to take deep breaths," added Jeff Moore, head of the New Horizons geology
team at NASA's Ames Research Center in California. "I mean, the landscape
is just astoundingly amazing."
Wow.
The last date this guy had was with a rubrics cube. They’re still
together.
It seems they have replaced
the lack of romance in their lives with a love for space. Finding the same
thing over and over again is the opposite of life. That must be comforting to
some people. No social pressures. Just a theoretical existence.
At best, the universe we can see is a work in progress. And we are
-by far- its finest creation.
Space has no romance. It’s beautifully
unaware of our fascination. All we know about the galaxy is it’s vast and
powerful. Maybe it’s our way of saying to it, “please don’t hurt us”.
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