Cyclists

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Cycling shorts have redefined the word “wedgie”. These are extreme, millennial wedgies. They used to be a strictly vertical phenomenon, but not anymore.

In theory they should be in shape. But I’ve seen homeless dudes with recycling on their handlebars in better shape.  And they chain-smoke camels. I don’t mean the cigarettes.

I’m not a cyclist. I’m a bike rider. There’s a difference. The only gear I need is a bike and a destination. Unlike a cyclist, none of my daily activities includes my butt in other people’s faces.

They’re wearing Italian made breathable bike shorts. If your biking so long that your shorts are out of breath, slow down. And have a snack.

I’ve seen them spend more time putting on their gear than shifting them.  

They have special cycling shoes. The purpose of cycling shoes is to bolt their feet down to the bike. Last I checked bikes have built in footwear called pedals. It’s like they’re hostages and can’t get off until someone pays the ransom. And they are twice as annoying when they get off their bicycle: they walk around making clacking noises in their cycle cleats.

Incoming lecture: When you get on a bike, have a purpose. Bike to work, the store, or the gym.  That equals less congestion and smog. Rolling packs of wedgies only make things worse.  Cyclists always end where they started. Maybe it’s time to avoid the middleman. Just stay home and ride a stationary bike.    

Homeless

You could put yourself in their shoes if they had any.
 

“The homeless problem”.   I remember when we called them homeless people. Apparently the word “people” became cumbersome.

It must be easier to ignore a problem without the reminder that they’re us and we’re them.  There are 50,000 homeless PEOPLE in Los Angeles.  

This city is full of people who move here from towns smaller than our homeless population.

Hollywood has more than enough money and power to take care of this tragic reality. It’s a problem that can’t be ignored. So why is it?

This town is full of fake heroics and false bravery. Everything is scripted and safe. They think living in reality is working on a reality show. The closest thing to kindness we’ll get from this town is “Empathy” The Movie.

If anger is an energy than I could power a nation. I don’t want to hear from an ostrich that I’m too negative.  Sorry it’s not a blissful beer commercial or a rave.  I hate to interrupt your naïve decadence with facts. Homeless people are an epidemic in Hollywood. The only time we care about who’s in our streets is during a parade.

Maybe homeless people won’t be taken seriously until they’re on a parade float.

With 50,000 people on the streets, everyday is a parade.
 

Homeless people live an average of 20 years less than us.

It’s as if the rich have had the empathy bred out of them. It’s a known fact, poor people give more than rich. (notice I didn’t add people)

We bail out banks. Why not bail out people? After all they’re potential consumers and voters. Maybe we like to see people worse off than us to feel good. I’m not very religious but which bible says, “F the homeless”?

We have places to take stray dogs. Let’s try homeless adoptions or take a homeless to work week.  Find The Homeless Whisperer who can train them to behave.

Convert Bell Air tennis courts to homeless shelters. And there’s enough unused SUV space to keep 100,000 homeless in comfort.

This town loves to ramble on about what a “character” is thinking and feeling. Never ending detail into the story of pretend people. Actors drive to the set, memorizing their lines and fake feelings. Passing countless real lives picking out of garbage cans. Homeless is not a motif.

This town protects pavement over people. I am bitter. Bitterly honest. More money is spent on satellite TV and Botox every year than our homeless.
 

There’s always a flip side. Like a cruise ship that dumps it’s garbage in the ocean. Is it really a party when someone else pays the price?

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